January was intense. Let’s say, for this year, the new year starts on February 1.

There are many things that I decided to do, perspectives I decided to shift, and habits I decided to change. I started doing these things since the end of last year because I wanted to start the new year with all of those changes having been implemented and practiced for quite some time.

Here are the 3 things that I set my mind to do this year. I hope they inspire you in some way with making changes in your life.

1. Be committed to putting my insecurities and limiting beliefs aside.

We all have insecurities and limiting beliefs that developed and got stuck inside of us during unpleasant times in our lives. Past negative experiences subconsciously tell us to fear, be cautious, and be careful. But as we start doing more inner work, we may realize that being cautious hasn’t got us anywhere. Being cautious leads us to people who are cautious. Being fearful leads us to people who are fearful. Insecurity only breeds insecurity. Fear only breeds fear. This only confirms that our fearful belief is right.

Hence, we repeat the same pattern over and over until we realize that: “Hey, this is not what I want! Maybe I have to try something new!”

Something new is being brave, taking a closer look at our insecurities and limiting beliefs, and realize that we didn’t have them years ago. Certain experiences at some points in our lives caused us to have them. Something new is taking a closer look at your environment and whom you listen to for advice. This leads to the second point.

2. Be careful who I listen to for advice.

If you want to have A, you can’t be taking advice from people who never have A or continuously fail to achieve A.

Read that again.

If you want to achieve something, you can’t listen to people who have never achieved what you want to achieve.

This applies to every single thing in life.

• Would you let someone who doesn’t play tennis teach you how to play tennis?
• Would you let someone who doesn’t know how to play guitar teach you how to play guitar?
• Would you let someone who fails math at school teach you math?

Then why do we let someone who isn’t and has never been in a happy, romantic relationship teach us how to date?

Why do we let someone who has never built a successful business give us entrepreneurial advice?

There’s a reason why someone is where they are.

There’s a reason why someone hasn’t achieved what they deeply want to achieve.

The reason lies in their beliefs.

Then why do you let their beliefs rub off on you?

Unless you want to be where they are, which is being single and struggling to form a happy, romantic relationship with another person, why would you listen to dating advice from them?

Unless you want to be stuck in the job you don’t enjoy forever because you’re too scared to pursue your dreams, then why would you take career advice from someone who is too scared to chase their dreams?

Only take advice from those who live the life you want to live.

Only take advice from those who have achieved what you want to achieve.

Your beliefs are too precious. Be careful what you let get into your subconscious mind.

3. Be committed to changing my habits by being committed to changing my beliefs & thought patterns.

Changing habits is hard. Very hard. The longer you’ve had the habit for, the harder it is to break.

Your habit is basically like your best friend. The best friend that is always by your side providing emotional support through thick and thin. The best friend that consoles you when you have anxieties and stress. The best friend that helps you kill time when you feel lonely. The best friend that never argues and always does things your way.

Breaking up with a long-term habit is like ending a relationship with a long-term best friend/partner.

How long did it take for you to stop thinking about your ex when you two first broke up? A long time right? Quitting a habit is the same thing.

So how can we apply the strategy we used to get over our ex with quitting a habit?

After the breakup with someone, the recovery timeline goes like this:

Stage 1: You feel sad. The separation is hard. You can’t stop thinking about them. You cry and cry. At this point, you can’t really manage your thought pattern. You still think about them day in and day out and feel sad about it.

Stage 2: You feel like reaching out to them. You think about getting back with them. You yearn to have them back in your life.

Stage 3: If you can move past stage two without trying to get back with them, you start to think about them less at this point. Your thought pattern starts to become manageable.

Stage 4: You start making change through action. You remove yourself from the environment that reminds you of your ex. You start dating again. Dating (although still emotionally unavailable) distracts you from thinking about your ex.

Stage 5: You start to get used to being single and having your independence again. You no longer miss your ex.

So how does this apply to quitting your habit?

Stage 1: You miss your habit. The withdrawal is brutal here. You crave it so badly but are trying hard to not do it.

Stage 2: You feel like doing your bad habit again. You feel like you’re on the verge of relapsing.

Stage 3: If you can continue without relapsing, you start to feel a victory. Your willpower is getting stronger. Be proud.

Stage 4: You start exploring other hobbies and adopting new habits. You hang out with people who harbor the habits you want to adopt. New hobbies and new friends can distract you from thinking about your old habit.

Stage 5: You start to completely forget your old habit and embrace your new habit.

It is still hard nonetheless. Plus, sometimes we tend to enjoy torturing ourselves with negative thought patterns. Now you can see why changing a long-term habit is hard, and even harder if the relationship was intimate and intense, and why it would take us months and sometimes years to fully recover.

I hope you’re having a great February. Keep safe and healthy! At the end of the day, nothing matters as much as our health.